Topher just had his first day of school today. Wow. Amazing wow. He went off with a hug and a kiss and just one backwards glance and then bang. It was done. School. My first baby just went off to school. Wow.
His Ouma was with us - she cried buckets. Me, typically, I didn't. Well, not exactly. Instead, true to form I waited until I had taken him to the kindergarten drop off, driven MIL back home with Winston, then drove into work, fought with the parking attendants at the office, got coffee, rode two elevators and then, once safely embedded in my office with the door closed, I cried.
My beautiful, complex, complicated, smart, frustrating boy just started junior kindergarten. He has started his lifelong journey of education, good teachers, bad teachers, indifferent teachers. Started his life of days that I will know next to nothing about except that which he chooses to tell me...or that the school sends home in a tersely worded typed message - let us not get too rose-coloured-glasses here after all...this is Topher about whom I write....
But wow. Holy cow. Mercy Mother of God. School. Eeek.
Despite spending a huge portion of our adult lives in school, neither Spouse or I are a huge fan of school. He is a product of truly bizarre apartheid South Africa private schooling complete corporal punishment in high school, etc. I, well suffice to say I have yet to meet a school system or administration that I didn't want to bring to its knees for one reason or another. But spouse has his PhD from Cambridge and I, well there again I just had to go against the grain as well as adhere to that life-long tendancy to NOT finish things and am ABD (that is sooooo cheesy to even say, let alone write...) in History from Queen's, so I guess we have somehow along the way been co-opted into the school thing/hegemony. God help Topher. Given that combined background he is going to need every prayer that his Canadian-Irish Catholic relatives can throw at us .
I hope he likes school. He did today. Especially as there is a toy car transporter truck to play with and the toilet doesn't have a loud flush. He checked. And as long as he wasn't trying to flush the toy car transporter down the school toilet, I'm happy. Consider it a successful start to school. Well done, Topher. Mama loves you.
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Congrats to Topher! So true that it is the beginning of an era of knowing nothing about our childrens' lives except what they choose to tell us. So I listen eagerly for clues -- of which there are, really, many -- and then I ask questions. I'm hoping I make home a safe and comfortable place to talk about stuff that is confusing, intimidating, worrisome, or, on the other hand, exciting and wonderful.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is actually so cool to see seeds planted and growing in my little boy's mind that I didn't put there and that are being nurtured by someone else. I enjoy being an outsider in that regard, and giving Kieran my feedback when he tries out his new knowledge on me. So far, thankfully, I'm okay with the messages he's coming home with. One did bug me, however, and I knew it wouldn't serve Kieran well to show my disagreement, so I credited it as "an important part of southern etiquette." Kieran asked me, "Is it true, Mama, I should call women 'Ma'm' whenever they talk to me because that's polite?" Here in the south, men and women get "ma'm"ed and "sir"ed by every child, as if we were military drill sergeants, and it drives me nuts. It makes me feel old, as well as distant from the child, and as a manner of addressing someone, it seems to cut off the possibility of conversation or mutual interest. So far, though, that's the only teaching that's made me want to grumble under my breath.
Is junior K'garten a pre-school of sorts? What are the hours? Are school buses involved? Is it private or public? Will he be in regular K'garten next year? I don't remember junior K as part of my education in Canada.
Mercy, the boy came home from day two and announced he wasn't going back, that he didn't like it and by the way the teacher said nasty things . After a bit of casual prodding, it finally came out that he had been sent to time out for pushing. And the nanny came home today with the message that the teacher found Topher "willful" and determined to "push everything to the limit"...to which we all rolled our eyes in mock surprise. The boy is a handfull. Complex, determined, bossy, bright, funny and imaginative...he is everything the public school system here is least equiped to handle. This is going to be a very, very long fall full of many, many parent-teacher meetings...sigh.
ReplyDeleteJK is for 4 year olds (although they accept 3 year olds like Topher if the will turn 4 during the school year) and isn't compulsory but is part of the public school system...it is like a prep school for kindergarten - 5 days a week, mornings or afternoons only, complete with french lessons, music, gym and the obligatory arts and crafts. No buses as we live walking distance to the school...much to Topher's disappointment as he would LOVE to ride a school bus.
As for the Ma'm and Sir thing - count your blessings. My husband has taught Topher to shake hands and say "Nice to meet you, old man" - which he does complete with his father's South African/British accent. Suffice to say, it isn't going over so well here in Ottawa.
Oh, I love it! "Nice to meet you, old man?" That is the stuff. Such a warm-hearted greeting compared to "Sir." Of course, every man is an old man in Topher's world, and I suppose the implication that it is HIS perspective that counts could be seen as a tad precocious. But uber cute, too. How would he address me? "Old woman?" I could take it, but I'm not sure about my southern comrades.
ReplyDeleteI just heard a piece on NPR, Virginia Insight, about how boys and girls learn/behave differently in school (http://www.jmu.edu/wmra/pgm/insight/091409.mp3). The guest, Abigail James, is an educational psychologist and she talks about how boys need a certain amount of physical violence in the school setting in order to socialize properly. She says the predominantly female teaching staff in this age group doesn't understand this well. Some of the callers could really relate to this problem. James explores the intersection between evolutionary biology and environmental influence in a fascinating way. She has written two books -- "Teaching The Male Brain," and "Teaching the Female Brain." I think she's a great resource for parents of kids in school and I recommend her! After listening to her, I'm particularly determined not to pass on my math and science hang-ups to my girl.
Fortunately, he only has the "old man" salutation...let's hope it stays that way!
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about your ma'am and sir posts...I grew up calling adults by their first names - it was just how my mother and her feminist-pipe-smoking-Vietnam-war-protesting friends did things. My father - a tried and true Irish Catholic police officer - cringed alot. My husband grew up calling all adults with the prefix "Auntie" or "Uncle" - which was impossible for me as a child as I already had 900 uncles and aunts (see above mention of Irish Catholic heritage)...but I find us using this practice with Topher and Winston - not in all cases, but in many.
I don't know what I would do with the "sir" and "ma'am" issue...I mean, we grew up curtseying, performing "reverance" to teachers -regardless of how we may have just been treated - to show respect, obedience, and to highlight the difference in status. It was tradition...but one based on hierarchy and a form of power. To grow up doing this every day, several times a day, is to grow up perhaps with a willingness to evenutally question power relations, adult-child dynamics, tradtions, and the meaning of immediate and perhaps unearned "respect".
Fitting in to a cultural norm is important for children. So is having the quiet support to evenutally question these very same cultural norms.
Yes, fitting into a cultural norm is important for kids. I'm not about to penalize them for following/imitating the southern manners and traditions of their peers, but boy, they will not see them practiced at home. Nothing I can do about that!
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