Far too much angst for a Monday....

Why do I work? It is a question that is in the forefront of my mind at the oddest of times, and to be honest, hovers quietly in the back of my mind most of the time. Today, it is right now squarely at the forefront, largely because of the most recent post at one of my regular blog reads, the Mama Bee (http://themamabee.wordpress.com/)

There is no one reason – and the reasons have changed and shifted over time. Like just about every woman, I work because my career provides an intellectual outlet – provides challenge, community, experiences, and allows me to make a contribution. It has also ensured that I was independent – able to feed, house and clothe myself. But married now with two young children and a husband who is professionally successful, as well as able to support the family financially as the sole income earner, I am continuing with my career. Why? Why isn’t mothering enough?

In part, there are in the back of my mind the experiences I had seen and heard, primarily of women friends of my mothers…one who returned home one day to find her entire family home striped of its contents except for her and the children’s clothing, the house listed for sale, and the bank accounts frozen or emptied. Her husband was missing – well, not really missing it turned out, but on a plane to Saudi Arabia with his girlfriend to a medical posting. He, apparently, had grown tired of their marriage and his life and had quietly planned for months this “escape” while also ensuring that he would not lose a single asset or dollar along the way. She spent the next years in poverty, struggling to find the joint marital assets and to support herself and her high school aged children. As well, there is was my own grandmother, who had similarly been faced with building a life as a single mother to a young daughter and 4 nearly (but not quite) grown sons when her husband drained the limited family savings before leaving with another woman – and my grandmother had to find any kind of work available to a poorly educated woman during the 1940s and well into her 70s. The fear of real destitute poverty was, I know, never ever far from her mind.

So I suppose these examples made a deep impression on me - I don’t want ever to be unable to support myself or my children – to worry about the next mortgage payment, grocery bills, or paying for swim/soccer/hockey/music/art classes. And to make sure that doesn’t ever happen, I am unable to place myself in a position where someone else earns the financial resources that provides for the family. I have to be able to pay for it all, or else I would panic…really and truly.

I am also a better mother for working and having a career – solely because I am a happier person…I like competition, I enjoy coming out the other side successful on a difficult negotiation or issue, I thrive on being busy, pushed, and contributing to public life in addition to the contribution made as a mother. But all my reasons for working and mothering are mine alone – they are a product of a highly personal experience and exposure to women who found themselves vulnerable, through no fault of their own, and found their children also vulnerable as a result. So do I support the idea of the “collective” suggested by Mama Bee? Intellectually, yes I do. The more women (who are also mothers) there are in senior positions, whether in the private or public sector, the more likely it is that doors will open earlier and more welcoming to our daughters, nieces and friends; the more likely it will be to see women taking longer parental leaves, to see work places and the market shift to be more accepting of different kinds of work arrangements. But in my heart, I know I work because I must…for my own intellectual and emotional well-being and to ensure the economic well-being of my family. And because my reasons are so intensely personal, I cannot step over to the Mama Bee’s position that would suggest another woman’s choice to leave the career path “contribute(s) to the negative view of mothers in the workplace.”